I haven’t blogged for quite a few days, I don’t make any posts unless I feel inspired to do so. Today my mind has been on so many things. It is strange that after many months of accepting that I was not long for this world and then being told I am doing good and that my life has been extended until further notice is a little disconcerting.
Now I have to shift my thoughts and actions in the opposite direction. To some people, this might seem odd. How can she not jump up and down, shout hallelujah!? I can only answer this in this way. I had accepted it, I spent months in this mindset, I made preparations for my kids so as not to be a burden when I did leave. I even gave my car to my daughter because I didn’t think I would need it.
Now I must shift my whole thought process in reverse. Sometimes I feel joy and hopeful but at the same time, I question NOW WHAT? I feel numb and try to make sense of it all, but so far have not come up with anything concrete.
As always I begin and end each day with prayer and ask, “Father, now what?” So far I have not received an answer. I know He is there always. So either He is letting me figure things out on my own or I am just not listening. Whatever the case may be, I am sure I will continue to post and give updates. Peace to all who read this. To those who take the time to read my rantings, I don’t want to give names but their initials are Beth, Jessica, Sebastian, Deborah, Sassy, Isis, Annie and Dedha I appreciate you so much! If I have left out anyone I am sorry, I tried not to.