With each day my physical body becomes worse and weaker but my spirit becomes stronger as if it is feeding off my mortality.
The strength I feel in spirit is the strength that carries this earthly form through the day. One day I will finally shed myself of this Tabernacle of clay and emerge.
No more fatigue, no more sadness or regrets. My mind will no longer be a prison of the past but a field of glorious joy. I try to imagine being able to move without arthritis, to be able to run in fields of green. I try to imagine seeing my parents again and my dogs. My heart aches for them. I think of the work I will help perform to hurry the Saviors second coming.
I try to imagine sitting my father and sharing knowledge with him that I didn’t do while he was alive. Being able to sit and rejoice and feed off each other’s excitement. These are the images and desires that strengthens my spirit now.
I play a game every day, it is a Hide and Find game. The object is to find certain items within a certain amount of time. Depending on how many levels of the game you play and how many of them you complete you go from being beginner to Master Expert.
It is a mindless game really as it can be repetitive but I need something at this time to help keep me somewhat grounded.
I can’t even count how many times I began to feel frantic because I hadn’t found all the items and time was running out. My eyes would dart across the screen and my heart would race.
Lol sounds weird to get so caught up in this but be as it may, it would have this effect on me. I started telling myself to slow down and just look. If I didn’t complete it this time but I would the next time. Once I started doing this I realized that a lot of times the final few objects were right in plain sight. I might complete the level with only 1 – 2 seconds to spare but I DID finish as a winner.
So too is this life. We start out as beginners, we sometimes get so caught up in trying to be perfect and live a perfect life for fear we will run out of time that we don’t stop to just breathe and look at the whole picture. Slow down and if you don’t succeed the first time, keep trying till you do. You will have enough time and enough tries to finally succeed. Even if you have a few seconds to spare. The fact and beautiful truth will be that YOU DID IT! Don’t give up and you can’t help be a success. The beauty of mistakes is being able in the end to see how grand our successes were and are. We finally become the Master Expert of our souls.
I love symbolism. To me it is a poetry of truth given to help us absorb things that the otherwise naked eye or mind might not comprehend.
The scriptures are full of such symbolism. I began reading the Old Testament again. I just finished reading about the Ark of the Covenant and the Ten Commandments.
The Lord gives specific directions on how structures are to built whether it is in the form of boats, temples, buildings or holy chests to carry the word of God. He gave Moses the instructions on the Ark that it would be made out of gold, the cherubim would face each other, there would be a mercy seat atop the Ark. Inside he would place the Ten Commanddments. But it didn’t stop there. He then told Moses to build a structure that would have a thin veil of material that separated the Ark from the rest of the world, he was also to put a candle behind the veil and that it must continue to burn brightly and NEVER go out.
I began to realize that this was very symbolic. It was miraculous in my eyes. As we as mortals in this life travel, there is a veil between the seen and unseen world. A world where God dwells, a place He still sees all but we cannot. Yet we are not left completely in the dark either, for the Glory of God is there burning bright and light of Christ shines forever never to be snuffed out.
We will be judged by the laws of God when we kneel at the mercy seat of Christ. Angels have and will continue to testify of the truths of the Gospel to all who wish to come worship and learn of Him.
This is so beautiful and I am so grateful to be a part of the symbolism as a child of God and so to is every living thing on this earth, past, present and future.
A peasant woman in her tent finds a Prince standing in the doorway. A hand reaches inside and a gentle voice says, “Please come with me for the King beckons you.” The woman hurries to gather her things, she has all her possessions and drops quite a few, trying so hard to take all she had with her.
The prince tells her “To come as you are and leave everything behind.”
“But Sire, it is all that I hold most dear, it is all that I have. If I come I will have nothing to offer the King.”
“Dear woman, you ARE enough and where you are going there are far more treasures. These things you leave behind, while it is true they are the best of you, they will benefit others.”
The woman humbled, takes hold of the Princes’ hand and walks out into the golden sun of the day. She is going to meet her King.
I have said that it was a sin to have scriptures and not read them. So I will explain. The Savior pleaded with us to “Learn of me.” How can we do that without the scriptures that lead the way to Him?
Lehi sent his sons back to acquire the brass plates from Laban, part of the Old Testament, so that they could bring a testament of the Savior, the creation, his laws, and even on how to pray otherwise such knowledge would be lost with time. Satan’s onslaught with man would continue and without the words from the scriptures to teach us any different eventually we would become spiritually lost and remain in a fallen state thereby frustrating Gods’ purpose of bringing to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.
The Savior still would come and judgement would still come but without the scriptures to show the way, how could a just God even begin to pass righteous judgment? It is by and through the scriptures we learn that by our actions we can either have eternal peace or everlasting torment. So please read and learn of Him through which all blessings flow.
A woman stands on a pier surrounded by her loved ones. She is getting ready to board a massive cruise ship called “The Celestial Sea (I love cruises). One person cries and pleads to go with her. She responds that she can’t come just yet.
“I have to go first and get things ready for your arrival. When we are together again we will have a Huge party and have a devil piñata, then we will smack the h*ll out of satan.” It brings a smile to hers and everyone’s face
The would-be traveler has a bittersweet feeling come over her. How she will miss them all but where she is going time has no measure and so just like when we dream and hours may pass, when we wake up, it doesn’t seem that it has been that long.
She let’s her tears fall to be mingled with the others, so it is the same when there is love among people. Our emotions become one.
She can hear “Now boarding!” She climbs onto the ship and turns. One last look and her heart is full of love. She waves and calls out to them, “God be with you till we meet again. I love you all!” She doesn’t say goodbye, this is not a goodbye but an until.
Every Sunday is my meditation day. A day I want no outside disturbances. These are my days of peace, refuge and in communing with my Savior.
In this current journey, there have been many adjustments, concerns, grief, tears but oh so many more blessings.
Yesterday was Sunday and I got up, decided to fast that day to find out the current state in my Heavenly Fathers’ eyes. I wanted to know if I was doing all I could, what I needed more to do. I fasted for the welfare of my little sister, her family, for the welfare of my children and a few others I shall not name here.
I have a widget on my tablet that is called Scripture of the Day. It has been amazing how it almost always seems to apply to a question I have or something I am struggling with. Well yesterday was the scripture from Alma 17:11. I read it a few times and didn’t see it pertained to me and let it go.
The past week of telling people about my condition has not been easy. It was like bearing my naked soul for people to see and leaving myself open to mockery and persecution, of people rolling their eyes and saying or even thinking I was nuts or being overly dramatic, which is funny because death is pretty dramatic.
I have a good friend that told me not to give up hope and that God wouldn’t mind if I stayed alive longer. What he failed to understand is that I willingly gave myself as a sacrifice for my sons life. I knew my health was already deteriorating before James had his near death experience although I didn’t know how serious until much later.
I know that God can heal me and that if I prayed He might spare my life too BUT I know that I offered myself up and to this day I feel nothing but gratitude and a willingness to let Thy Will Be Done. I gave myself up, I wasn’t forced to. I could not even try to go back on it. I am at peace with it all and everyday feel immense gratitude.
Yesterday, during my fast I was becoming frustrated because I was not receiving any answers and started to question as to whether any of this was real. I was becoming angry, why wasn’t he talking to me? Was I doing all this for nothing? Maybe I am not even sick! Maybe it is all in my head!
I ended my fast and decided to just STOP. Still feeling frustrated and felt that God had turned His back on me and was angry with me, but having no clue why, I turned on the Living Scripture channel to watch a good wholesome movie. I let my mind and soul relax. I gave as much as I could that day. I was spent and just wanted the day to end.
Once again I read the scripture of the day. The words screamed at me, there had been my answer and yet I didn’t see it until after the trial of my faith.
“And the Lord said unto them also: Go forth among the Lamanites, thy brethren, and establish my word; yet ye shall be patient in long-suffering and afflictions, that ye may show forth good examples unto them in me, and I will make an instrument of thee in my hands unto the salvation of many souls.” What a beautiful thing to know this! A side note which is funny is that my friend that had told me not to give up hope was a Native American. I don’t think in this instance for me it meant literally the Lamanites but it was interesting and ironic just the same.
Needless to say I broke down and cried. My joy was full in that I knew God was still mindful of me and in control. I was renewed with a sense of determination.
There are a few things that grieve me still. One is not being with my daughter in this mortal state when she goes to the temple to be sealed to her husband, or to hold her children in my arms at least one time. Another is that my husband of 33 years has not shown any real sign of caring. Many times I haven’t wanted 2 arms to hold me but luckily for me my Savior has stepped in and become the surrogate of comfort to me.
I just want to say and have it be known that I still love my husband, not as he is now but as he once was and is capable of still being.
I know I will be with my daughter in the temple and I hope she will feel my spirit at that time. I want her to feel me close as she cuddles and nurtures her children.
As for my husband, I don’t know what will happen. I have always felt and still do that we are meant to be together. I cannot get past the emptiness of ever being with anyone else. Only God knows for sure, and that is enough for me.
In the scriptures it says not to judge but then it says we need to judge righteously. Almost seems like a contradiction. In order to judge righteously we MUST know a person’s heart. No one can know a person’s heart, most of us have an outward persona that help keep us safe and guarded. Sometimes our actions don’t really speak of what we truly feel or think and as much as we want the world to see beyond those imperfections, we don’t always give the same benefit to others.
There in lies the sin of hypocrisy. We expect everyone else to know our hearts in spite of our actions. So until we can judge righteously we must be careful not to judge at all. You see it really isn’t a contradiction, but a commandment with stipulations.
I often wonder if there will be prayer in Heaven. I think the prayers will become solemn assemblies. The Savior will be the presiding leader over such assemblies.. Where we will gather and discuss all the prayers offered from those left behind. Prayers over sick and afflicted loved ones, prayers over wayward husband’s and children, prayers given on behalf of non believers, prayers over a fallen world.
I think we will be given assignments on how to minister to those who spend so much time on their knees. In speaking words of comfort and hope to the hearts and minds of those who seek so faithfully. We will sing Hosanna to the great love that our Heavenly Father has for us and for all His children.
What a beautiful and miraculous thing to be a part of!
Satan wants you to believe you are not worthy! YOU ARE! Christ died for ALL of us no matter how grievous our sins are. He didn’t say that his blood was sufficient for a select few. When we don’t accept his atoning sacrifice and feel we are not GOOD enough it is like saying that he died for no reason. It doesn’t matter where you were or what you did. All that matters is where you are now and where you are going. Love yourself as much as you love those who you care for. Prayer is a HUGE factor in your conversion. Keep trying and realize that Satan will put doubts into your mind of ill conceived notions that you are not good enough, push those aside. Anything negative is of Satan. Read your scriptures, pray and I promise you will find the joy you so desperately seek. It might not happen overnight but keep pressing forward and you will get there. Christ stands with arms open ready to receive you, you just need to realize your own worth.