Sometimes as a parent I tend to believe I am more important than maybe I am. This might be called Parental Narcism.
Once in awhile especially here lately, I ask myself if I really matter. When I am no longer here will they continue on as if I never was or will they once in awhile feel my absence and think to themselves about me and the role I played in their lives.
Will they remember the good or will the good be overshadowed by all the mistakes and injustices? Will they remember a loving mother or a person who appeared cruel and unfeeling at times?
Will they ever know of the tears I shed over them or the prayers I offered on their behalf? Will they ever know how I ached inside for them or cheered for them? Will they remember me as being their advocate or remember me as being a tyrant?
Will they continue to question my love for them, or will they know in their hearts I truly loved them all.
I think sometimes my being their mother has made me feel of some self importance. I have taken for granted the sacred role of motherhood but the answer to all these questions will not be answered until I am gone.