Please Let Me Go

A little boy had captured a bird and shut it up in a cage. He sat the cage in front of the window so the bird could at least feel he was still free. He was so happy because the bird sometimes sang a beautiful tune and appeared to be happy in it’s confined space.

Days became weeks and weeks became months and over time the bird stopped singing. The little boy felt the bird was sick and did everything he could to heal the little creature, but everyday the bird sat perched staring out the window longing to escape and be free.

The boy felt sad and didn’t want to let his little friend go. He knew it would leave a void in his life and the little bit of joyful sound of his singing might never come again.

He knew what his choice had to be; with tears streaming down his face he unlatched the door to the cage, reached in and gently picked up the bird. Although every part of him was grieving, he opened the front door and opened his hands to release the bird.

He watched as his friend took to the skies in flight and he didn’t move until he could no longer see it. As he turned to go back into the house, he could hear the sweet song that the bird was now singing once again. He then realized that the bird was not really gone. Although he could no longer see it, he would continue to enjoy its presence by the tune of freedom that his little friend would continue to bless his life with.

What if ?…….

I have thought and wondered many times over the years if I could have been one face of many in the crowds who persecuted Christ when he walked the earth? As unlikely as this seems now, I cannot be so self righteous to deny the fact that I could have been one of them that chanted “Crucify Him!”

My heart breaks to think I could have been so wicked and unfeeling but what kind of people were they that were responsible for His crucifixion? I think they were regular people that went about living their lives like everyone else.

There was so much proof in His example that He was the Son of God and yet people saw Him as a devil. Was it so important back then to be one of the crowd? How many wanted really wanted Him to be put to death because they were afraid to go against the popular vote like Pontius Pilate? How many of them were led away by the false precepts of men? I do not think many prayed to know of His divinity.

I would hope that I would not have been one of them and am so very grateful that I wasn’t there to have to decide. But now these days with chaos and wickedness abounding in numbers, I stand among the believers and I know He lives and is the Son of God. He will take His place once again among the believers and non-believers alike.

His hand will direct in all things. My eyes do not have to behold first hand the miracles He can and did create or my ears to hear each word He uttered. All His truth and love cannot be witnessed by our 5 senses first. The surety of these things are born by the spirit and like a seed are planted in the heart. Then and only then is our eyes and ears opened to the miraculous things that He wants to bless us with.

It is these simple truths that let me know that I will know Him when He comes again.

Parental Narcisim

Sometimes as a parent I tend to believe I am more important than maybe I am. This might be called Parental Narcism.

Once in awhile especially here lately, I ask myself if I really matter. When I am no longer here will they continue on as if I never was or will they once in awhile feel my absence and think to themselves about me and the role I played in their lives.

Will they remember the good or will the good be overshadowed by all the mistakes and injustices? Will they remember a loving mother or a person who appeared cruel and unfeeling at times?

Will they ever know of the tears I shed over them or the prayers I offered on their behalf? Will they ever know how I ached inside for them or cheered for them? Will they remember me as being their advocate or remember me as being a tyrant?

Will they continue to question my love for them, or will they know in their hearts I truly loved them all.

I think sometimes my being their mother has made me feel of some self importance. I have taken for granted the sacred role of motherhood but the answer to all these questions will not be answered until I am gone.

Thy Will Be Done

It is such a strange feeling to see the end of my life approaching. My mind and thoughts of my future doesn’t contain things of an earthly nature but my sights are of continuing and strengthening my relationship with my Savior.

I was reading a book by Wendy Nelson, the prophets wife. It was called “The Heavens Are Open”, it was an extraordinary book. She talked about when we turn our lives and hearts completely over to the Savior to lead us; our prayers and thoughts become thy will be done.

I sat and thought about this and it really hit home. Now when I pray and give gratitude for my blessings. I still pray for people on their behalf but as for me and my wants and desires are now just, THY WILL BE DONE. So simple and yet so profound. I don’t worry and fret because as I live each day and everything I do from here on out is only for my Savior.

When I try to start something or make a decision, a still small voice asks me, “Is this going to bring you closer to your Heavenly Father?” I then can turn away from that choice and refocus my life. I feel much happier and am more at peace this way.

I don’t know if this will work for everyone and it has taken me over 60 years to get here. And all I can say is that it works for me here and now.

Can’t See The Forest Through The Trees

In doing genealogy I occasionally run into snags. One name I had problems with was my daughter in law, Lauras’ great grandmothers’ maiden name. I have a membership to which the church pays for all members wanting to do family history. I searched all over different sites, many genealogy sites required paid subscriptions which could be a few hundred dollars per site. I didn’t have the money to pay so that futile and eventually I Googled the name but came up with nothing. After a few hours I felt I had exhausted all avenues and feeling frustrated I closed out the application.

Later that night as I knelt to pray, I pleaded to find the maiden name of this person. I also asked to be led in the direction my life was to take if it wasn’t family history. I just needed something to make my life more fulfilling.

Today my daughter was visiting in the morning and I began telling her of this dilemma I was having. She took to the internet to do her own research and within minutes she had found the maiden name along with so much information that I would need as I continued doing Lauras’ family line.

She found a link on that lead to a grave site and there was her headstone and her families headstones. If I had taken the time to look over the website I might have found the link too.

Sometimes when we look in all directions we often just don’t see what is right in front of us all along.

So too is prayer. If we kneel to pray for answers while in our minds we have our hopes as to what answer we want or preconceived ideas of what we believe the answer is then we cut ourselves off from the true answers and then the prayer itself is said in vain.

Many times I would get up and think, well what is the answer? The answer is always there but I hadn’t asked in earnest faith with a real desire to know. When my prayers should’ve been ‘Thy will be done, oh Lord’.

When I submit my mind and heart to my ever loving, always listening Heavenly Father then the heavens open and answers come in droves.