I laid in bed thinking over the news I just got and it was not anything that came as a real shock but as a quiet reassurance.
My thoughts, memories, and experiences play out in my mind and I see how these have been stones that I have used in finishing my journey home.
I think about the many times I have covenanted with my Father in Heaven and how he made good on them and I have kept mine with Him.
When my son, James was at deaths doors, I pleaded, please don’t take my son.” I said I would gladly go in his place. During that day when my day was devoted to the Lord. I saw my Savior kneeling in prayer taking on the sins of the world and hearing the words, “it is done” as if spoken to me, then seeing my son dressed in white waving gently as if saying goodbye or hello, I couldn’t tell. The peace I felt and it was incredible, but I knew regardless of what happened he would be ok. But now I know it wasn’t him who was leaving but me. My offering had been accepted.
My son pulled through and the amount of gratitude was so great that I could not contain it. Since then the 3 words, “It is time” were gentle reminders of my offering to a loving Heavenly Father. In His tender mercies he has allowed me time to prepare for my final steps into eternity.
How could I feel nothing but gratitude and an increasing amount of love to Him for all that I have been blessed with? Even of late, the scripture about being reconciled to my brother and then the Father would receive me, has been yet another gentle instruction I needed so I could leave this place with a pure heart.
My only concern now is my childrens’ grief. I know my children love me and they will grieve but I don’t want my time left spent more on causing them grief than it is on laughter and feeling happy.
There are no pictures accompanying this post as no picture can justify what I am feeling today.