I woke up this morning feeling less than human, even though I had a good night’s sleep, I felt immense fatigue which opened the door to anger, resentment, hopelessness, not caring and hate. All things I have been working against overcoming seem to crash in on me with no warning. I knelt in prayer asking these feelings be lifted from me. I pled with the Father and asked, “Why? Had I not been doing all I could to overcome? Why am feeling this way?”
I got up hoping these unwelcome feelings would leave. But they did not, no matter what I did or said or prayed they stayed with me. My thoughts of just giving up flooded my mind. I kept thinking if this is all I have to look forward to is a future of hopelessness to where I felt for some reason unbeknownst to me my Savior had stopped talking to me then I might as well call it a day.
I started feeling the burdens of little projects around the home weighing in on me, on top of this was sadness for my neice, the sad news of my daughters stepdaughters’ cancer returning, my daughter and her husband moving out, and last but not least feeding the missionaries was needed for Saturday.
I wondered if anything I did would really work or help anyone. I began to doubt myself and if even my own existence was of any real importance. My self worth was under attack.
The words entered my mind, “Get up and go do!” I didn’t want to, I was exhausted and felt I couldn’t function. But still the same words “Get up and go do!” came to mind. I finally got up and began to tackle the little projects. I put on a cd and the first song that played was, “I Walk By Faith.” Tears flooded my eyes and all negative feelings left and only rejoicing and a clear image of who I was came into view.
I thought about my Savior and Him taking on the burdens of the world and in some small way, I felt that I too was experiencing these things.
I am so grateful to know that I have the capacity to feel and share someone’s burdens. They seem a very heavy cross to bear sometimes but one in which I can share with my Savior.
Satan had found another loophole with which to attack me but what was such a negative black abyss turned out to be a glorious reunion of celestial light and spirit. I am truly blessed.