Peace

As someone raised a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, there is one song in our hymnal called “Come Come Ye Saints” and in a verse it states. “And should we die before our journey’s through
Happy day! All is well!”

I used to think, “What kind of crap is that?”  After they had traveled 100’s of miles to get to this place to settle and they die before they get there, they are ok with it?’ I used to think if they were even in their right mind or the lyricist could even fathom what he was setting to music.

Today I awoke in the early morning hours as is often the case and without thinking about anything else except going back to sleep, thoughts began to flow about what peace was and what it meant.

My mind was brought to the time while the Savior slept on the boat and his disciples kept watch, a storm arose, it must have been horrendous. Their fear and anxiety caused much panic and they rushed to awaken the sleeping Lord. He got up and didn’t say, ” Oh for crying out loud, can’t I get a moments peace around here? ” He didn’t storm up onto the bow and scream at the giant waves or the massive winds to SHUT UP! He raised his hands and just said, “Be still.” With this, the storm was calmed.

Our dear Savior has been called the Prince of Peace. He has been quoted as saying to us “Peace I leave unto you. Peace I give to you”.

I lay there pondering further about this subject. True peace cannot be bought on Ebay or sold on the black market. It doesn’t come in a life insurance policy that pays for our final expenses. It cannot be found in the depths of the ocean or discovered in the great pyramids of Egypt. It doesn’t come with a price tag because it is priceless. It cannot be lost or found. It cannot be built or destroyed.

True peace is the essence of the gospel of Jesus Christ. It is what encompasses all this good and holy. It is the still small voice that can be heard, it is the burning in our very bosom. It is the testimonies we bear, it is the still waters spoken of in psalms 23. It IS the very nature of God.

With True peace comes real acceptance that replaces fear, doubt, and frustration. It is the strength to press us forward while we hold fast to the rod of iron. It is the power of the Holy Ghost and can only be given freely.

While I wait for the lab results to come back over some health issues. I am calm and truly can say I am at peace. Whatever happens to me now or in the future doesn’t matter. If I live long then I will rejoice and if I die early then I will go with gratitude and rejoice in the life I have lived and the excitement of seeing my beloved parents and my pets. Either way, “All is well, all is well. “

Reconciliation

It has been awhile, so much going on in my life, but in the back of my mind was the nagging reminder of reconciling with my brother.

Last night I went to bed knowing I would fast and pray about it and also about the Covid vaccine. I fell asleep and awoke 1 hour later. My mind kept going over how to go about reconciling with my brother. How do I humble myself and go to him? The things I said I meant and still do? I know I said some unnecessary things and my delivery of things could have been less sarcastic. Doesn’t seem a very good way to reconcile anything.

I could not sleep at all. While laying there, the inspiration to just open the lines the communication was felt. Even though I felt that was my answer, I still needed a stronger confirmation because I can be spiritually dense at times. So needless to say I didn’t go back to sleep for the rest of the night.

I was stressing because I was afraid I would oversleep and miss church even though it is televised on YouTube. I wanted to be there to take the sacrament. I finally got up about 7:30 but my body was in such a weakened state and my head was hurting. I knelt and prayed to begin my fast.

I made my way to the frontroom and turned on Music and the Spoken Word, which has become a part of my Sunday meditation routine. I decided that if I was supposed to go to church then the Lord would bless me with the strength and stamina to go.

Well, the strength and stamina didn’t return and I decided to just watch Sacrament on YouTube instead, but I let the music take me into a holier frame of mind. I decided to look up what reconcile actually meant. I found this: to restore to friendship or harmony.

So I decided I would do this through Facebook so I requested to add him as a friend. The rest of it will be what he does with it. I feel this is all I need to do for now. I love when yet another part of my testimony is yet starting and what was already there is strengthened even more. I have been in a weakened physical strength but my spirit has been made stronger and really if given the option, I would choose my testimony over my health without hesitation on any day.

My body will decay and rot eventually but my testimony will be the one thing I can take with me to the grave and into eternity. We are told to build up our treasures in Heaven. I love seeing it happen.

My Testimony

After reading a few more chapters of the Millenial Messiah, which by the way is an excellent book, my mind and thoughts go to my pre-mortal life. A time when I still dwelled with heavenly parents and siblings. I think I must have had a testimony at that time.

When our dear Savior was crucified, from our heavenly realms each spirit there witnessed it. I am sure many of us if not all wept bitter tears of what our loving brother was going through and then seeing His ressurection we must have rejoiced. I think about how eager I must have felt in coming here to prove how valiant I would be in returning from whence I came.

We, as spirit children had chosen our families and even those families that might be wicked on earth or cause us great harm, were chosen by some because the eagerness to come and get our bodies and prove ourselves was so strong that it seemed it was of little consequence of who our earthly famlies might be.

I am sure as we descended and the veil was gently laid across our minds, there were tears from our Heavenly Mother like someone sending their children into battle. I can’t help but think that she must have kissed us tenderly on the cheeks and whispered, “I love you, return to us with honor.” And I see me looking back waving and smiling, “I will.”

Now that I am here, I cannot remember what took place from before I came but with each day I am regaining a testimony that might have been started long ago. A testimony is not just for while I am here but a testimony is eternal, it has eternal truths that will forever grow even when I leave this temporal existence.

I remember reading or hearing that our testimonies are recorded in Heaven. How wonderful to know that our feelings and beliefs continue on. I wonder how many spirits that are waiting to hear the gospel are influenced by my testimonies shared here on earth. How much more precious does my testimony become. In knowing this, I will safeguard my testimony even more.

Words spoken from the heart, spirit and the very depths of my soul, can I hope to please my Heavenly Parents when I stand before them clothed in honor.

Just an Update

This is what I feel like inside when I get stressed.

I have not had any inspirations to really post about, but that’s not because the Lord has left me. It is because I am dealing with a lot right now. I am trying to make this transition with my daughter and her husband moving in with me go as smooth as possible.

I am an independent person and my independence is extremely important to me so it is difficult to have to delegate responsibility onto someone else and not have the faith that they will be able to comprehend what I am asking or totally disregard me. I am learning what long suffering truly means, lololol.

This move has been a big source of stress for me, so I have not been quite in tune with the spirit for a few days. I am still pressing on, I still have my morning and evening prayers and throughout the day I am speaking to my Heavenly Father. I am still reading things of a spiritual nature and doing my scripture study, although at times I feel like these are hollow endeavors but a routine I cannot allow myself to break regardless of what I am going through. I can’t afford to beat myself up either, that can become self defeating.

So at this point until some of this stress is dealt with, I will continue on the same path I am on and I know I will catch up.

I love my Savior and my Heavenly Father and the patience and long suffering they have for me. I am truly blessed.

Christs’ Ministry

While I was reading “The Millenial Messiah” the thoughts came to mind of which I will share.

Why was it important for Christ to come to earth through an immortal father, God but by a mortal mother, Mary? It states that when Christ returns to earth he will descend as an immortal being, why couldn’t He just have made His entrance into the world the first time the same way?

Then I thought He had to come to earth by a mortal birth, He had to begin life even as a newborn to begin his mortality through example from His first breath to His last breath.

He came here through an immortal Father bringing with him the power of God so He could endure the arduous mission laid out for Him from before the earth was even formed. The plan of salvation that would come to ALL men. He had to be able to call on the powers of Heaven through a loving God who was ever ready to help His son achieve and accomplish this divine mission to bring to pass the gift of immortality.

His mission although is eternal, it could not be accomplished entirely through celestial means.

He had to lead by example in a mortal state. How could Heavenly Father expect us mortal beings to accept eternal truths since a veil had been placed over our minds? We need to see, hear with our eyes and ears but also feel with our hearts.

Therefore Mary, a mortal woman was chosen with which to accomplish this. I imagine Mary was chosen before she left the presence of our heavenly parents just like the prophets were chosen.

She had to be a Virgin, unknown by any man. It stands to reason why a Virgin was so important. You cannot put a clean thing in an unclean thing lest it becomes unclean also.

Little is said about Christ’s early years but I see Him acting as a small child would and continue on till the day when it was made known to Him of His dinve ministry. I wonder what that must have been like for Him. I think the spirit must have touched his heart so that He knew of the truthfulness of it and it was then His mortal ministry began.

By being born in a mortal state, He would be subject to all earthly things that we go through such as cruelty, bullying, name calling, injustices, betrayal and such but also the human frailties that come with just being a regular human such as sickness, aging, disease, pain, and even death.

He witnessed everything imaginable, experienced it all, he felt it all! These things served a purpose. How could He show mercy and compassion without walking in our shoes first? How could He set set an example what is now considered to be Christlike if He did not know or even comprehend what we go through everyday of our lives? It states that his very bowels were filled with compassion because He knew first hand. His grace is sufficient because He knows and understands.

He had ministering angels round about Him while He struggled not because the immortal side of Him needed it, but the mortal side of Him with His earthly form didn’t have the strength to stand against such adversity.

Many times He was called to work miracles, once again proving to those that there was something greater than what an unbelieving world knew about or accepted. He showed the way by being baptised even though He himself was perfect. He set an example of turning the other cheek when He was so cruelly beaten, spat on, ridiculed, treated unjustly, scorned, betrayed and ultimately died.

No greater example has there ever been that would or even could lead us back home to our Heavenly Father. He gave so much and we are asked of so little in comparison. And although He is no longer here His work is not finished. He will continue to bless lives, give counsel, show mercy and stand before the Father ready to extend grace to all of us who WILL need it. No greater love can a person possibly know or comprehend.

I am truly blessed by it.

Major Overhaul 101

My daughter and her husband are moving in with me for a short time. This has kind of set me back. Even though I prayed about it and truly feel it is the right decision, it has me feeling that this going to take more of an attitude adjustment on my part.

My son in law can be quite draining, he is so negative because he was raised that way and now that he is moving forward in a more positive way, he has become extreme in his joy. Either way it is draining on me physically, mentally and spiritually. He can be quite obnoxious no matter what he is feeling. I kept thinking that lady there is something wrong with you. You don’t like it when he is negative and now you are complaining when he isn’t. He can’t win with you.

A lot of it has to do with my health. My back has gotten to the point that it is affecting other parts of my body such as my feet and my hands. My hands are barely useful. I am getting to where I struggle to grasp things. Even to blog takes a lot of effort. I have constant tingling in my hands

My feet swell so much now that they ache and feel so tight, I know it is from sitting but it hurts to stand and sometimes even taking a single step can result in a lot of pain which radiates up my entire spine into my neck and down my sciatica.

There are a lot of things that is going to take physical strength now as I prepare to have them move in. I am willing to do it, although I don’t know how.

I realized this morning I need to do what I can to find a doctor who won’t pull out his prescription pad and try to stuff me with meds like what I had before. I need a doctor who will listen and respect my wishes. I need one whose main focus will be to get my back fixed. I question if it is even possible. So far it has not been my experience, but at the rate I am going I will be in assisted living. I won’t thrive in such a place, I would be giving up too much of my independance.

If I had to have someone take care of me I am afraid I would lose all hope and be just living to die.

So this day I began another fast to pray for guidance, to even have my back healed without going to a doctor, but I will wait on the Lord. I know I will receive inspiration.

Even though I have nothing to really add that might be thought or spiritual provoking, this is a blog that states my ship has pulled into the dry dock awaiting a major overhaul. Hopefully not too long but time will tell.

Namaste’

Gentle Promptings

When I was called to work in young womens’ in the Manette ward, my thoughts were, “No!” I wasn’t all that fond of teenage girls, mainly cause I used to be one. I was a rotten teenager, and many of my female peers were witches with attitudes. I also felt that I had nothing to contribute. I wrestled with it but at the same time knew I couldn’t say no. When I am called to any position it is like being asked by the Savior himself, how could anyone refuse the Savior anything? So of course I accepted, reluctantly mind you and with much wailing and gnashing of teeth, lol.

I worked with the Laurels, I had not made it that far in my youth as I was a very young mother. I didn’t know what I was doing, I didn’t know how to behave, what I should say… nothing!

Luckily I had a strong support system of the Young Women President and counselors. They were great! But those young women were awesome! I developed such a love for each one that continues to this day! There was one young lady named Molly who was not a member and although she would come religiously she just kind of hung back and was almost like she felt like a fish out of water.

I saw myself in her. so I gave her a little more attention and did what I could to make her feel like she mattered. The girls were great with her also, they were all so sweet to her. I had the privilege of watching her blossom and grow until she joined the church. My heart was full and to this day it still is. It was sometime later that Mollys’ mom told my daughter that it was because of me that she had wanted to be baptised.

Although I accepted the calling to work with the young women, it never dawned on me that it would have such an impact in my personal and spiritual life that I could even possibly have anything to offer.

Recently, I had a deep desire to reach out to Molly again just to see how she was and to catch up, which I did and we chatted. It was so good to know she was doing well. I hoped she was still active but didn’t ask her. She told me she had been going to the local community college.

Last week I decided to make dinner and invite my brother and sister in law, my neice, the 4 missionaries, my son David, and Molly. Everyone agreed to come Sunday. I was excited to see everyone.

Sunday I got up and decided that I was going to go to church that day, since it had been so long since I had been there and I just wanted to take the sacrament. I knelt to pray in the morning and got my clothes laid out on the bed and the thought was you need to fast today. Once again I knelt and gave a prayer of fasting. I didn’t know what to fast for but I payed that I would come to know why I was fasting.

I got to church and sat down on the last row, due to Covid the congregation was sparse, no one shook each others hands, people didn’t converse a whole lot. I didn’t like it. There were people that would welcome myself and others for coming, the commaderaderie that used to be there was just not there.

Church services began the Bishop and counselors went through the ward business and then they announced they had received the records of a couple of new families that moved into the area.

The Bishop said as we read the names off will the new family please stand. We want to introduce and welcome, The Newville family Brian Newvine… I thought that name sounds familiar but didn’t know why, then came Sarah… Again I thought boy I know those names, then he read the last name… and Molly Newvine. My heart leapt for joy, in my mind I yelled MOLLY! I was so excited to see she was still active and in attendance that day!

Then the bishop announced due to General Conference being the previous Sunday that today would be our fast and testimonial meeting. I was so eager to go up and bear my testimony. That even before the bishop was done saying, now we will turn the time over for those who want to bear their testimonies, I was standing in the aisle like a race horse waiting for that gate open up. Lol

As soon as he sat down I was headed for the podium and stood there. There was emotion and I spoke about Molly and how I developed a love for my girls in young women’s and then I looked at Molly and spoke of the deep love I had for her and how pleased I was to see her and to know that her and her family was a part of the ward. I went on and talked about my trials and of the past year since Covid but the amount of spiritual growth I had developed because of it, I bore my testimony and told everyone that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that our Savior lives and loves us, I said other things of which I don’t remember.

I went and sat down in the back row and muscle spasms began in my back and continued until I started to feel nauseous but I had come to take the sacrament and wasn’t going to leave until I got to do that.

Once church was over, I had one young man come up and thank me for my testimony and say he enjoyed it. I thanked him and got up to leave and though I could barely walk, I was smiling and had been spiritually fed. I got into my car drove home, my back was searing with pain and stiffness. I had been spiritually uplifted beyond belief.

How great was my joy, I got home safely and made my way into the house and I sat down in my recliner and said a silent prayer that my back would ease up enough to still be able to make dinner and see everyone. Of course it did and those I had invited started to show up. Everyone was there except for Molly. I had hoped she would still be there and she did come!

Our evening was spent laughing and talking and all of us had a good time. Everyone at dinner ate but I didn’t, I had already been fed… spiritually so I decided I would eat dinner later when everyone had left.

The last 2 people to leave was my neice and Molly. I was so excited to be again with the young women and just talk and laugh. Never in my wildest imagination would I have ever dreamed that I could enjoy being around such beautiful sweet spirits as was these young women who I no longer see as witches with attitudes but as angels in earth form.

I love the promptings of the Most High and the tender mercies that accompany them.

I think the only thing I’ll do differently is that each Sunday I take my ibuprofen before going to church.

All Righteous Desires

Yesterday I was spiritually drained all day and no words for a real blog came. The beginnings of a few were written down but as I began to post them, I stumbled trying get my words out. I realized I was just trying to fill my own personal quota. My words and blogs were like before the earth was created, without form or void. So I stopped and closed out my app.

Normally I become a little more concerned when I stop feeling the spiritual prompting to write. I usually begin and end my blogs with tears which is Gods’ way of giving His stamp of approval.

As the day became the evening I turned on some meditation music as it has become part of my daily routine. Still receiving no inspiration, I sat in my recliner and prayed silently for promptings but again nothing came. As is usually the case, Satan began his needlings. He whispered, He isn’t here, and you might as well realize that what you have been feeling have been nothing more than the rantings of someone who is having a bi-polar moment. I turned on Youtube videos of young Lds women singing hoping to chase Satan away but he is like the burrs you pick up in the desert, he clung on and continued his assault.

I listened to the beautiful voices and Satan began again. Listen to those girls, aren’t their voices beautiful? You really aren’t as special as you think you are. They have so much talent, remember when you could sing? Now you can hardly carry a tune. I began to feel less than what I felt I had been. I went to bed and prayed like I normally do and prepared to sleep and I drifted off to sleep.

This morning when I woke up, I was well rested and my mind was clear. Once when I was awake enough images of a scenario began to play out in my mind. Tears began to wet my pillow.

I will try to find the words to convey what I saw.

A woman sat in her frontroom ready to eat dinner with her grown children. All was present except for 1 adult daughter that lived in Kansas. I have been asked to give a talk this Sunday on whatever topic I choose. Of course you are all invited if you would like to come. It got silent and the mother saw the usual eye glancing at each other as each tried to think of a reason for not making it. The mother knew that they wouldn’t show up and it really was ok. Her youngest daughter who was active in the church reassured her that her and her husband would be there. She smiled at her and said that would be great and it was ok if the rest couldn’t come but she just wanted to extend the invitation.

The mother prepared her talk and felt good about it so that when she stood before the congregation they might understand.

Sunday came and as was promised, her youngest daughter and husband showed up. When it was time to go up on stage and stand at the podium, her daughter held her mothers arm while she walked up. Her hands shook as she stood at the microphone. The daughter stood next to her to give her mothers frail body some much needed support.

The mother laid the one page down in front of her and began to give her talk, she glanced up into the congreagation and before one word had been uttered. Each child reverantly began to enter and sit down in last rows of pews. Tears filled the womans eyes and began to fall on the paper that had held the words of a well prepared talk, When it seemed all her children were present, she glanced down but the ink that had been printed been out had run together. The mothers tears continued to fall and she glanced up again and the one the final child from Kansas entered the chapel and sat down next to her siblings. The tears turned to sobs and no words could even begin to be spoken.

Her young daughter whispered into her ear. We are all here for you momma.

No talk was given that day, but everyone knew and understood just the same. No words needed to be spoken, a promise fulfilled from her Patriarchal blessing that “All the righteous desires of your heart shall be fullfilled” had just been realized.

I seal and close this story now with my tears.

Miracles

When I read or hear about miracles, I often get excited, inspired or left in awe. Here lately I have asked myself what constitutes a miracle. Are there miracles and coincidences and if so how can anyone tell them apart? In my searching I realize that there are no coincidences.

Some miracles are unmistakable and other ones are much quieter and are not easily seen. In realizing that miracles happen all the time every day, every minute of every day. There are no miracles to God, only to us mortals. Miracles are Gods’ power manifest in such a way as to defy human logic or understanding.

I have witnessed miracles in my life some in silent reminders of His divine nature or of an even greater magnitude like giant waves bringing life to a seemingly lifeless body. Miracles that has brought my son back to me alive or one that kept my son from plunging to his death.

These are but a few of the miracles I have witnessed in my own life. I know if I would view these as mere coincidences then I would be showing ingratitude to a loving God that is trying to tell me that He is here and is ever mindful of what is in my heart. Realizing and seeing the miracles in my life has caused my faith to grow immensely instead of minimizing things as just coincidences.

Once again I am truly blessed.

Spiritual Media

In my effort to letting the angel of death pass by. I no longer watch any news media. It is a true assault on my nirvana, my zen, my peaceful flow of positive energy. Now my news media comes from a more direct path to those that know and won’t deceive me. The Prophet, other church leaders, the scriptures, My Savior and Heavenly Father.

While the world passes by my windows, I watch them all scramble to get home to watch the evening news and trying to find the best channel or the most informative news source to feed their curiosity as to what is going on in their local community or the world.

I need only to read the scriptures and kneel in prayer for answers to an inquiring mind. And no part of my senses have been jeopardized by what the world has to offer. There is no chaos just a quiet reassurance that all is right and concise in my corner of the world.

Once again I come away feeling truly blessed and incredibly greatful.