In my efforts to become more Christlike, I am trying to develop Christ like attributes. A big one is charity. Charity is the pure love of Christ. This has caused me quite a dilemma, because for some people that is easy for me but others it appears to be impossible. They are the ones that has hurt myself or my children beyond compare. I have struggled with it and struggled with it. I became embittered with hatred for these individuals.
I have a widget on my tablet that is called “a scripture a day”. Each day it shows a new random scripture and many times it covers something that pertains to my life at that time, uncanny as it seems.
One day the scripture came up as 1st Corinthians 13:1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
I thought about this and it meant charity to ALL. I thought oh come on, I have been sweet and kind to strangers and to my family, isn’t that good enough?
My thoughts kept going towards the small group of people I just couldn’t seem to get over. So many times throughout the day I would happen to see that same scripture and I began to be annoyed by it and even angry as it was a constant reminder of what I needed to work on. But I was more concerned of disappointing my Heavenly Father.
My thoughts and feelings were, why do I have to forgive them? They hurt me and they have gotten away with so much, they are enjoying their lives and I am still suffering because of it! Why does it have to be so hard?
Then the gentle promtings came as reminders, what does it benefit me if I am only required to do what is easy? The Savior did it all the hard, the easy, the good, the bad and the ugly.
How can I grow if I just did the simple things? Then I thought about what I was really needing, and it came to me. What I was seeking was justice for myself and my children. I felt Justice had not been served.
The words from the Lords Prayer came to mind, “Pray for them that despitefully use you. “Oh no, now I have to pray for them too?” Arggg this was little too much!
This morning as I was reading the scriptures I came across Roman’s 12: 19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.
I laid there thinking and realized that no amount of revenge I could mete out would be even come close as to what the Lord will hand out if they don’t repent. In that moment I felt, dare I say, COMPASSION for them. I feared for their welfare and realized how I could pray for them.
Does that mean that I have to invite them over for tea and crumpets? No! But now my concern about justice is not consuming me anymore.
Once again tears of joy filled my eyes and gratitude entered my heart.