A Slow Walk

I woke up at 1:30 a.m. and in my mind my continuing jouney plays out. I would rather be asleep but sometimes my mind won’t rest until I write down what I see.

In preparing for Easter Sunday there will be hours that I have to spend on other things such as shopping for the pre Easter dinner on Saturday. Hours just prepping for my family dinner. Some of Thursday will be spent going to the store to buy what I need. Friday I will do what I can, like making the jello, the fig bars, picking up the cake from Safeway and little things like that to make the next day run a little smoother. Saturday will be prepping the dinner, greeting my children and their families enjoying my time with them, enjoy giving out their Easter presents as they all go home, especially enjoy watching them leave, lol. Then I will clean up. By then I am sure that I will sit down in my recliner and pass out.

I like to refer to these days of preparations as my pit stops.

I think about this road/path I am on and what I envision is this…. the path is a dirt path but it has been made free of boulders, stumbling blocks and such. It appears as if it has been swept clear by “the woman” with a giant palm leaf. The ground is firm but not hard, dirty but not dusty. On the left side are these different assigned pit stops. Some are rest areas, some are thirst stations, some are just to-do’s stops. They are always on the left side of me, maybe it is symbolic for having to do things necessary for this world or my mortal experience.

I don’t look back because behind me are large undergrowths of brambles and they are there to obscure my view. The sky above these brambles is black and I get a real sense of foreboding. So I don’t look back, there is nothing there for me. I keep my eyes set on what is before me, the view is pleasing, serene and welcoming.

I am walking with my Savior, I don’t know if we are conversing or just sharing the quiet. As I come upon each pit stop, He accompanies me over to the side and waits patiently for me to do what I need to do until I can join Him again. I never rush or try to run, but keep a steady peaceful pace only focusing on what lies a head.

I Need Thee Every Hour

Yesterday started out really good. I had a full day. I had to get an insurance form mailed off for my homeowners association. I had a huge list of things to buy at the store to help me prepare for Easter, things to buy for my Easter centerpiece I was creating. It was my mom’s birthday and I wanted to get her a helium balloon that read Happy Birthday and I was going to take it to 2541 Perry Avenue and let the balloon go just to let her know I loved her and missed her. I also needed to go to Goodwill and find a platter for our Pre-Easter dinner on Saturday and find a huge pot to boil potatoes in.

Then I needed to get back to vacuum the floor where the other sofa had been so that when David showed up after work to set up my new couch, it would be clean. I also needed to do laundry, then oh yeah I had to contact the missionaries and ask them to drop off a Book of Mormon so I could gift it to my son on Saturday. Oh boy I also need to time dinner right as I was going to make home-made Sailsbury steak for David. Oh wow I need to work on my 4 piece place setting and work on my Easter centerpiece.The store didn’t have any helium balloons except for Happy Easter ones.

I was able to get the rest of everything on my list. I got the insurance application mailed off. When I got home, I unloaded my car and got almost everything brought into the trailer and I put things away. I got my floor vacuumed, I got my laundry finished except for putting things away but everything got folded.

David called and asked me nervously how important it was for me to come by and do my couch or if he could wait till Friday. I said it could wait and for him not to worry or stress over it. I figured he was tired from working all day.

I began to work on my centerpieces for Easter and the place settings. I called the missionaries and they brought over a Book of Mormon right away. I sat it down on the end table. I continued to work on my centerpiece then realized I needed to make dinner. So I got up and looked at the recipe for homemade Sailsbury steak and realized it was too late to start on that. In my effort to get at least the place settings finished, I made a mistake and ended up throwing them away.

I sat down with my dinner, chicken cup o’noodles and as I began to eat, I realized that in trying to make my day as productive as possible I had made it counter productive. Doubts began to enter my mind such as well it was a dumb idea anyway and he won’t accept anything you have to say, you know how he is! Discouragement filled my heart and in the midst my thoughts were Wait a minute! You were sure yesterday and this morning. Suddenly I could not feel the presence of my Heavenly Father in my life and I wondered where had he gone, why had he had left me? What did I do wrong? I started to feel frantic and wondered if I would ever feel that again.

I felt so empty inside and I rushed into my bedroom, dropped to my knees pleading Heavenly Father don’t leave me, I need you. I can’t go back to what I was. The road I was on was my refuge from the life as I once knew. Without you by my side life will have no value, no meaning. I won’t care if I live or die! Please come back, please! Tell me what I need to do.

I got up and climbed into bed, closed my eyes and I heard a gentle voice saying, “I am still here, daughter. I am always here.” Through the merkiness of my thoughts a hand stretched forth, I reached and held it and I was pulled from the dense fog I was in, I could see before me was a path that was straight and all manner of debris was gone. I thought, Oh my Lord, my God there you are!

It wasn’t He who had left but it was I who had wandered away. In my efforts to make this Easter perfect and focusing on so much, I had let go enough to stumble alone. I closed my eyes and once again my tears of gratitude washed all doubt and discouragement away. I held his hand next to my cheek and he said, “Shall we continue on?” I said, “Oh yes, please.” I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

I need Thee every hour
Most gracious Lord
No tender voice like Thine
Can peace afford
I need Thee, O I need Thee
Every hour I need Thee
O bless me now, my Savior
I come to Thee
I need Thee every hour
Stay Thou nearby
Temptations lose their power
When Thou art nigh
I need Thee, O I need Thee
Every hour I need Thee
O bless me now, my Savior
I come to Thee
I need Thee every hour
In joy or pain
Come quickly and abide
Or life is vain
I need Thee, O I need Thee
Every hour I need Thee
O bless me now, my Savior
I come to Thee
O bless me now, my Savior
I come to Thee
Just as I am
Without one plea
But that thy blood
Was shed for me
And that Thou bids me
Come to Thee
Oh, Lamb of God
I come, I come
Just as I am
And waiting not
To rid my soul
Of one dark blot
To Thee whose blood
Can cleanse each spot
Oh, Lamb of God
I come, I come
Come, ye sinners
Poor and needy
Bruised and broken
By the fall
Jesus ready
Stands to save you
For love pardoning
Love for all
He is able
He is able
He is willing
Doubt no more
He is able
He is able
He is willing
Doubt no more

My Journey Home

Each person on this earth either has or has had their own special mission in this life. I have often wondered what mine was or is. Have I accomplished it or I have yet to fulfill it? How will I know or will even acknowledge it when it happens?

Then the thought came to mind, when I am taken from the earth then I will know I have finished what I was sent here to do. My only job now is to walk hand in hand with my Savior as he gently leads me through this life in to the loving arms of my Father in Heaven who will embrace me and say, Well done thou good and faithful servant, come into my presence and I will give you rest.

A More Meaningful Existance

Over the years I have witnessed how many others churches and people have viewed the cross, many people myself included will wear or have worn the cross on a neckkace chain. I often wondered why, it isn’t the cross we should be focusing on but what the crucifixion did, it brought about the ressurrection.

People know this simple yet profound truth, yet we still continue to look to the cross as a symbol to remember Christ, His life, and His suffering.This Easter season, I realized that maybe there is so much more to this than getting from point A to point B.

I have not achieved that stage in my mortal existence. I will still have my own crosses to bear. I will still have my moments of agony in my own Garden of Gethseme where I will plead with the Father, Please if at all possible let this cup pass from me.I will continue to be laughed at, scorned, persecuted and at times feel like I am being crucified. How many times have I yet to walk alone on the road to Damascus? How many times will I have to face and walk past my own jeering crowds to be mocked and spat on by a society that loves sin more than God?

Until the day comes that I am laid to rest and fully emerge as a glorified ressurrected being! I know that time will come but until then it is the cross that I will look at but not as a symbol of something to make me feel sad or weighed down by but a symbol of hope for what the future has waiting for me. A means to an end, a way that rolls away the boulder that leads to life eternal. Now I can look to the cross and live.Glory to my Father in Heaven and to my Savior whose sacrifice made all things possible.

Justice

In my efforts to become more Christlike, I am trying to develop Christ like attributes. A big one is charity. Charity is the pure love of Christ. This has caused me quite a dilemma, because for some people that is easy for me but others it appears to be impossible. They are the ones that has hurt myself or my children beyond compare. I have struggled with it and struggled with it. I became embittered with hatred for these individuals.

I have a widget on my tablet that is called “a scripture a day”. Each day it shows a new random scripture and many times it covers something that pertains to my life at that time, uncanny as it seems.

One day the scripture came up as 1st Corinthians 13:1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.

I thought about this and it meant charity to ALL. I thought oh come on, I have been sweet and kind to strangers and to my family, isn’t that good enough?

My thoughts kept going towards the small group of people I just couldn’t seem to get over. So many times throughout the day I would happen to see that same scripture and I began to be annoyed by it and even angry as it was a constant reminder of what I needed to work on. But I was more concerned of disappointing my Heavenly Father.

My thoughts and feelings were, why do I have to forgive them? They hurt me and they have gotten away with so much, they are enjoying their lives and I am still suffering because of it! Why does it have to be so hard?

Then the gentle promtings came as reminders, what does it benefit me if I am only required to do what is easy? The Savior did it all the hard, the easy, the good, the bad and the ugly.

How can I grow if I just did the simple things? Then I thought about what I was really needing, and it came to me. What I was seeking was justice for myself and my children. I felt Justice had not been served.

The words from the Lords Prayer came to mind, “Pray for them that despitefully use you. “Oh no, now I have to pray for them too?” Arggg this was little too much!

This morning as I was reading the scriptures I came across Roman’s 12: 19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

I laid there thinking and realized that no amount of revenge I could mete out would be even come close as to what the Lord will hand out if they don’t repent. In that moment I felt, dare I say, COMPASSION for them. I feared for their welfare and realized how I could pray for them.

Does that mean that I have to invite them over for tea and crumpets? No! But now my concern about justice is not consuming me anymore.

Once again tears of joy filled my eyes and gratitude entered my heart.

Oompah Loompah

Every once in awhile you meet people you would love nothing more than to get a mallet and play whack a mole with. Sometimes they can be friends, acquaintances or just someone you might be blessed to meet in the store but as for myself there are three such people in my own bloodline.

Even though by all definitions 2 are considered siblings by blood and one by marriage, I don’t consider them as family and don’t want to consider them at all. Normally I don’t but when I woke up, my first thoughts went Oompah Loompahs and I couldn’t stop giggling. I envisioned the 3 who shall not be named as Oompah Loompahs!

How great was my entertainment as I watched them dancing around singing in merriment you know not. Then I began to look closely and seeing that while they were singing, bits of anal sewage was being spewed from their mouths upon the ground. This made me chuckle even more.

I envisioned being there and having to dodge this crap they were spitting from getting on my everlasting gobstopper. Oh my! What a way to start the day!

Oompa loompa doompety doo
I’ve got a perfect puzzle for you
Oompa loompa doompety dee
If you are wise you’ll listen to me
What do you get when you guzzle down sweets
Eating as much as an elephant eats
What are you at, getting terribly fat
What do you think will come of that
I don’t like the look of it
Oompa loompa doompety da
If you’re not greedy, you will go far
You will live in happiness too
Like the Oompa Loompa Doompety do
Doompety do

Now make me proud and go buy a mallet.

As the sun sets and rises, so too did the Son of God

When the Savior was crucified, the whole earth rent and reacted violently. The stars and sun hid all manner of light. So dark was it that you feel the thickness in it. The light of the world had been taken from it. The earth was in great upheaval as she too was feeling the agony of losing her Savior.

People wept bitterly, many wandered aimlessly and was tormented beyond most peoples comprehension when they realized they had crucified the Son of God. I cannot even begin to fathom what that must have been like.

Although the tempests, earthquakes, storms and such lasted for only 3 hours. The darkness lasted for 3 days! It is stated in the scriptures the those who lived through the darkness had said they “could feel the vapor of darkness”;
“And there was great mourning and howling and weeping among all the people continually; yea, great were the groanings of the people, because of the darkness and the great destruction which had come upon them.

I was not present during that time so I cannot write the words to give it justice.

Then on the 3rd day Jesus emerged from the tomb that once held His lifeless body, as a glorious, resurrected being of splendor, light, and majesty.

As I experience the sun setting each evening and the sun rising each morning, I want to remember the significance of what Easter truly means and hope to carry it through my day to day living. Oh how I love my Savior.

Shut down

Due to circumstances beyond my control. My back has gone into shut down. It usually takes a day to recuperate.

Stay positive and think happy thoughts.

All aboard!

A long line of people stood waiting to board a plane. Each one had a carry-on bag. One person had really clean clothes in theirs except for 1 horribly stained dress shirt. Another had wonderful essays that they had written except for the one piece of homework that didn’t get done. Each person carried with them all their accomplishments but so too each had something lacking that kept their carry ons from being packed perfectly.

Before each person could board they had to have the contents of the carry-ons inspected. One by one the bags were laid on the conveyer belt and each item was x-rayed.

“Excuse me Sir, but you didn’t finish your homework.” The inspector said.

“Uh I know, I didn’t quite have enough time.”Came the nervous reply of the passenger.

“Well it is ok, just take what you have and go to that man standing over there, he’ll give you what you need to board this flight.”

This continued on with every single passenger, each having to visit the man standing at the side to give them what they needed to board the plane to go home.

As they began to board the plane, each one handed the flight attendant the one thing “the man” had given each one to ride the plane. It was a single piece of paper that read the word “GRACE”. Each passenger was smiling and each one found their seat in 1st class.

So too it is with each of us as we go into the great beyond. We each will lack the one thing that will not allow us into the presence of God, no matter what we have accomplished or how much good we have done because when we leave this life we will still not be perfect. But it will be Christ that extends the missing piece that will bring us back into our Heavely Father’s presence. In the scriptures it states that His grace is sufficient to all. To all it is given freely and in abundance.

People as speed bumps

Sometimes people are like moving speed bumps in our lives. They seem to jump out in front of you when life is going good. Maybe in someway they are like mile markers, I have yet to discover a way to avoid them. When confronted with these annoyances, I always want to back up and take a detour or speed up and step on the gas to hit these speed bumps head on.

I think today I will just pull off to the nearest rest step, and wait it out.