I sat in the front room, tears still streaming from the night before and continuing on. I kept my curtains closed, my candles were lit, I didn’t know how to find the solace I so desperately needed while waiting to hear about my son who laid in the hospital. I knew that he was in critical condition. I tried reading the scriptures to gain the proper perspective. Normally I can find great peace from this but today I needed something more. The words from a hymn kept coming to mind. Where do I turn for peace?
Music has always been something for me but I wasn’t even sure that would help. I finally turned on YouTube and searched for The Tabernacle Choir. Songs of peace and solace began to fill my aching heart. I finally slumped back into my chair drained and each hymn that I heard were sung like throngs of angels singing supplications on my behalf. Some songs were these testifying of the Saviors divinity and songs of gratitude filled my soul. I saw a vison of my son dressed in white standing afar off gently waving to me like a strand of wheat gently swaying from a soft breeze. This vision was so strong that I could not see my son dressed in any regular clothes. It was as if I was seeing him as though he was but a memory.
I cried even harder, I began to feel heavenly arms around me through the hymns. Each hymn became my own pleadings and I began to accept that my son would be taken from me. I prepared myself for what I felt was inevitable. Still at times I succumbed to tears that flooded my eyes and the ache in every fiber of my being. So great was the pain in my mind, heart and spirit.
The hymns were songs of praise and they continued to wash over me, There was a sense of peace that took over and I let the healing power of the words fill my soul, I had reached a point of acceptance and submitting to the will of my Heavenly Father that whatever happened to my son was going to be ok. I still did not know the outcome. I did know that my son was at deaths door. I knew it with ever fiber of who I was.
I continued to prepare myself for the call to tell me he was gone. Regardless, I knew that I was grateful for Gods’ love and mercy. Still the music played on and at times they filled me with such emotion that I could not hold the tears back. I didn’t know what the tears meant except that I was just overcome.
Nearer my God to thee, Amazing Grace, I know that my Redeemer lives, I stand all Amazed, Where love is, I need thee every hour, Lord I would follow thee were just a few and each song were as healing arms bracing me up. I doubt I will ever be able to hear or sing another hymn without causing such immense emotion.
My mind was drawn to the vision of Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane praying to his Father and suffering body, mind and spirit. The music continued to wash over me like waves washing over a boulder on the ocean shore. I prayed for strength to be able to endure the pain I was experiencing. Songs of triumph started to play, Hope of Israel, Christ the Lord is Risen today, Great Redeemer, Come come ye saints, The spirit of God to name a few. Again I cried wondering if it would end. The swell of the music pierced me and I began to feel strengthened by it. I heard the words, it is finished in my mind.
Still believing my son would be taken from me, I finally saw the text from my sons wife that he was out of surgery and doing great. The doctor was amazed by how many blood clots they had found, they had spread up into his kidneys. Had it not been caught in time they would have continued on till he would have been consumed and died. I know he was at deaths door. I knew that the doctors hands were guided to heal my son. I got on my knees and gave a prayer of gratitude still crying, even feeling more overcome.
I do not know or understand why we had to through such an ordeal. But suffice it to say I am eternally grateful for this experience. There is only one thing I can say now is I KNOW THAT MY REDEEMER LIVES! I will forever show gratitude and sing praises to Him that saw fit to save my son and answer a mothers prayer and pleadings.
Now as I sit and reccount this experience the songs still playing, I know angels continue to nourish and strengthen me and to wipe away my tears. I still have the vision of my son in all white burned into my mind.
I am reluctant to turn off the music because the thought of doing so might disturb the peace of this moment that has been created for me and is more than I can stand to be without right now. They are a like a lamp unto my feet.
I am truly blessed.